A happy post is waaaaaaaay over do, and I’m thrilled to be able to finally deliver!
It’s no secret I’ve been struggling a lot lately but I’ve really been trying to focus on the good. My accomplishment and victorys and you know what???? It’s important that I acknowledge them and I hope you all can do the same. I’ve been working really hard to ‘reset’ my mind.
If you have time please go ahead, click the title and read my last post “It’s time.” As I stated I was ready to fight back, but honestly, I was still questioning whether or not it was possible or worth it. Friends, it is! Never ever doubt your abilities and/or strength.
SOO. About a year ago my best friend came over with a box. I was still in IOP at the time and hadn’t really had the best day but she called and asked if it was Okay if she stopped by. She gets to my house…..and since I was in residential when they got engaged I was thrilled! DUH… I of course knew I was going to be in this wedding. I’ve known her forever but still, receiving THIS box filled my heart with so much joy and excitement, I completely forgot how shitty my day was!
The year following was tough with my eating disorder. Unfortunately, I allowed it more space in my mind then I should have. Wedding planning is stressful enough without worrying about how I was going to look! And it wasn’t even my wedding!!!!!! This day had NOTHING to do with me. People WEREN’T going to be there for me. Yet still, life with an eating disorder means EVERYTHING is about you. EVERYONE is looking at you. EVERYONE is critiquing and criticizing you.
Every dress fitting terrified me. I was still slightly underweight when I finally picked out my dress and I lived in fear everyday that I was going to out grow it. That I would ruin all the pictures. My body image was more distorted then ever!
None of that is important now…..
Have you ever had a ephiphany? That aha moment where something you knew all along finally clicked. I did, and it’s a fantastic feeling.
The morning of the wedding was BUSY to say the least. Showering and packing up the cars with all of our dresses and bags. Driving to the venue and unpacking the cars to carry everything downstairs to the bridal suite to start the day. Hair, makeup, mimosa’s and bagels. Enjoying the day with friends before the night started.
Once I put my dress on this overwhelming feeling of relief came over me. I was the calmest I’ve been all year and I didn’t think twice about it.
The ceremony felt about 5 minutes long. It’s was probably more like 30 but who can keep track when your busy crying you eyes out! Happy tears I promise. The bride was absolutely beautiful. We are were!
The entire night was amazing. It was the most carefree I’ve been in years and I want nothing more then to experience that again. It’s taken me years to realize it’s possible.
Waking up the next morning I realized I didn’t think about myself once. I enjoyed every second of the day and will look back with only happy memories.