Blog Posts

Staying Brave In Recovery

 

 

 

 

 

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly, I WANNA SEE YOU BE BRAVE!

 

Puuuuuhlease tell me your Familar with that song?! And if not… Your missing out.

I have been compelled to write about this for a while now and being as though I have been struggling alittle bit more then usual  I figured now would be the perfect time!

When I go through a rough patch I am so quick to call myself a failure. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt I’m the only one to feel or think this way.  It’s how the disordered mind works. We screw up. Fuck up. Make mistakes, and in that moment, we are completely stripped away of our success and progress. What ever happened to the 2 steps forward 1 step back way of thinking??

When I go through that rough patch I don’t always reach out for help or support. FEAR is a huge part of that. I don’t want others to know I am struggling because that makes me weak. There was a time in my life where nothing bothered me at all. My feelings were never validated any how, so I decided to stop expressing those feelings until I became so numb I didn’t feel anything all.

Sometimes when my eating disorder is alittle bit stronger I don’t want to be talked out of anything. Life is full of suprises and sometimes things don’t go as planned . I blame myself for this and really find myself yearning for that strength I once felt within my starving body.

How do you guys feel about journaling?I’m suppose to journal. Suppose being the operative word. I use to….now it’s turned into something I’m terrified to do. The second I pick up that pen and write my first sentence more times then not, I close the book. It gives me anxiety to put my life and my thoughts on paper. To relive moments I don’t want to think about anymore. WHY??? Because it’s over. The situation has come and gone and I no longer want to think about it . I don’t want to process it with others because then I will have to talk about it. That would mean allowing myself to feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. No thanks….

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live. Maybe one of these days you can let the light in. Show me…. HOW BIG YOUR BRAVE IS!

My entire life. I have been brainwashed to believe those things listed above. Struggling is weak. Expressing your emotions are weak. Your a failure because you don’t succeed. Or have a bad day. Refusing to be alone with your thoughts. Reaching out makes you weak. I’ve ALWAYS taken care of myself. Me myself and I. The only one I have ever trusted.

Being able to take care of yourself is brave right ? OR showing no weakness? Not needing anyone?

What does it mean to truely be brave??

By definition Brave is being ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.

No one goes into recovery thinking it will be easy, but the willingness to try makes you BRAVE.

No one is successful all the time, but dusting your self off and trying again tomorrow makes you BRAVE. 

Reaching out for support when all you want to do is crawl into a hole, makes you BRAVE. 

Journaling your thoughts even tho they suck. Allowing yourself to be uncomfortable both physically and mentally , makes you BRAVE. 

Being courageous isn’t winning every single battle. It’s coninuing to fight to win the war.

Lindsey

Xoxoxo

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